Murder Mayhem Part I

Friday, I'm became a ruthless killer. It all started out with me flushing a spider down the toilet and I felt almost bad. Then, the phone call came. It was dusk and the eery voice asked me if I had the strength and the stomach to do the job. I warily accepted, knowing full well I had no natural instinct to kill something, unless it was a spider crawling on my foot in the bathroom. I managed to bring my assistant (aka, one of my awesome roommates) to the dock and there were the helpless/innocent victims... dungeness crabs. I picked out the weakest one with a pincher missing. The helpless gimp barely put up a fight as I grabbed his little pinchers from behind (it sounds much cleaner in my head) and proceeded to wack his head off on the side of the dock. But it didn't crack off! and the crab got seriously pissed so I ungracefully threw it away from me in a swift and screaming motion, bouncing off a steel rope thingy which really pissed the bug off. I let him settle down for a minute and reluctantly picked him up to try to do him in again. I hit his head against the metal, still nothing but a hacked off crab. I repeated the banging for about 4-5 more times and finally his head began to split off. I flung the guts out like a mighty native Alaskan wanna-be (meaning, I accidentally flung them all over myself) and threw the still moving crab legs in the bucket. There, they writhed painfully with the loss of their guts and brains. But, little did I know, this was only the beginning.

To be continued...